lavanderblues

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

nature around my house??

haha the last place that i'd think of to appreciate nature. right in my garden. woohoo! haha... sat in the garden this morning to go through my stack of transgenic plants & animals notes, and saw how there were SO many green parrot-like birds, which i think are parakeets, on the neighbour's guava tree! haha.. they were fighting over the fruits and like eating them in a really cute way... balancing on one claw, using the other claw to hold the fruit. i think i spent more time watching them than looking at note haiz haha... hardly see these birds flying around and yet they're supposed to be wild i think.. wonder where they flew here from...

ohoh and i noticed paddy.. like REAL rice paddy, and beans, and all sorts of plants growing in a pot!! haha.. in june after ahkong's funeral, the priest gave each of us a red packet with red beans, green beans, rice grains, yellow beans, and i can't remember what else.. i think there were 8 types of seeds, 8 treasures... and we were all supposed to throw them in some soil at our house when we got home. anw, mum's, dad's and my share are growing really well... which i like to think is ahkong watching over us...

haiz. looking at them, and i recalled the last time i saw him.. in april, he was so thin and feeble, and couldnt talk/walk properly... yet he insisted on going to the front door of the hse in penang to see me and my dad off when we hadta leave for the airport. and the huge black and brilliant blue butterfly that was flying around his coffin in the front hall the 3days after he died before the funeral and the 2days after the funeral before it flew off... and the afternoon teas that i used to make for him when he came to s'pore...how he used to sing 'oh my papa' and teaching him chinese etcetcetc.. haiz. i miss my ah kong..
i hope those plants continue to grow well...

i shld spend more time in my garden... haha i'm always exclaiming over 'new discoveries' that my mum tells me was there since like a few mths ago... oops. like apparently my maid says the paddy was there since abt a mth ago and she's been watering it since haha.. oops. open my eyes and see the colours and life around me. alevels and prelims really close ur eyes to life and living..

on a different note, huiling showed me this SUPER cute russian beer ad that showed this guy in a ballet class. gosh its hilarious hahaha...

lin~*
6:03 pm

Sunday, September 26, 2004

haha im super amused.

uncle walked out of the hse just now in a green shirt and jeans... mummy started picking on his outfit, saying how it was too old, not his colour etcetcetc and almost sent him back to change... and i was like woah. how come mum's suddenly so interested in how my uncle looks... turns out that he's going to his *ahem* 'girlfriend's' housewarming party... haha apparently he met her last night to pass her e hsewarming present too... and i thought they 'broke up' already. so interesting... my uncle's damn sneaky... and as his next-door-roommate, so offending he nv told me heh.
yay go for it jeeku! hahaha... we have a longstanding bet that i'll get attached b4 he does and he's twice my age... i think he's gonna win and i dunt care! haha...

haha.. comic relief there... just made water chestnut cake... yum! cant wait for it to finish steaming then stirfry then can eat! yay... :) i hope its nice :)

lin~*
2:58 pm

Saturday, September 25, 2004

hmmmm

went shopping again today with mummy at parkway... and ran into choong wen! haha...she's this childhood friend of mine who used to come over to play really often in pri school... was just thinking of her the other day when i ran past her house (which is fairly near mine).. coincidental eh?

anw, been thinking and realised tt i've been one really depressed girl since exams started. i apologise to all the people i've inadvertently depressed with my stupid complaints abt how im going to screw up (which is true anw) and all the other stupid needless insecurities. haiz. im sorry dears...

and i realised today is 25 Sept. exactly 2 mths from now, on 25 Nov, i shall be forever free of the shackles of moe examinations. whee!
2 more mths... 8 more wks... 56 more days... 56x24 more hours, 56x24x60 more minutes... 56X24X60X60 more seconds... argh.

lin~*
10:47 pm

Friday, September 24, 2004

last day of prelim main papers...

haha.. the main papers are finally over. yay!
doubt will do too well... will prob have some Cs and Ds here and there... just hope i dint screw it up too much. i usually have a pretty accurate feeling about my results... and well i just dont feel well for this one. argh. shldnt have slacked but totally got sick of exams halfway.

argh a stupid mosquito's trying to land on my nose now. i shall smack it. the mosquito. not my nose...

haha out of pt there... went to town today after bio mcq and had a nice afternoon w diane! went to cafe cartel, where we 'ran' into sel n zh... and den shopped around ps and hmv... qt fun there... and pretty therapeutic.
i love u di... love yun, sarah n si too! but dunno where they were.. shall grab them out one day after my prelims end properly. realised how di and i have completely opposite tastes. we can probably accurately gauge what the other person likes by choosing sthg that we dunt like ourselves. hahahaha.. yet we get along so well.. ah wellz. the mysteries of chemistry. human chemistry in relationships tt is...

argh right now, i wonder y i bothered taking spapers. im not even botherin to look at the scholarships at all... so i really dunt need any Ss... and now i end one entire wk after ppl like shu and di... haiyah. i have one entire stack of bio stuff to read on my table.. its so much my table's dying under its weight. and that's not counting what i dunt know but still need to know for chem. oh wellz.

lin~*
6:41 pm

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

-disclaimer-

was just reading my previous post and realised that i must add a disclaimer:
the mr lim mentioned is not mr edwin lim who's my phys teacher in sch, but rather a mr lim (whose rest of the name i dunno) who used to teach me phys tuition... and is very amusing on his views of rj students. haha and i shall go back to reading about stem cells.

lin~*
8:31 pm

sianned.....

haiz. physics was bad. chem was bad. now no more chance to pull my grades up liao. ohwellz.
my only consolation for the day:
putting B for mcq qns u can't do really works or rather, shading the option that is least shaded on the OMR works...i got lucky twice liao...
dint have time to do like the last 2qns for phys mcq today... so juz hurriedly shaded B for both in the OMR... this is the freakin first time i havent finished ahead of time for phys mcq lor.. pissifying... but anw, i did the qns properly after and found tt i actually guessed right! haha so well...there's 2more in the bag, but there's still like abt 4 or 5 more wrongs cos of carelessness or whatever not... and phys paper 2... dint do 15 freakin marks. tt's like 16% of the stupid paper. maybe 8% of the total physics score. a horrendous lot of marks considering paper3 was madness too. dint touch the op-amp qn at all cos cldnt decipher the stupid diagram. only realised how stupidly simple it was after the paper. but what's the point when its not on my exam script?

haiz my first non-A for physics this year and it just HAD to be prelims.
i shudder to even think abt the possible grade i can get for chem. just hope it isn't a D like CT1 this year... sheesh. or mr yeo will wonder what happened to me again. haiz.

i can almost imagine mr lim's shocked face when he hears tt I dint get 4As for prelims... and the smirk frm doctor gan whose son probabaly got 4As in vj. irritating people who think tt marks and studying at rj is everything... sheesh.

haiz going to have a good cry now. so disappointed in myself. why am i not performing when i shld be? argh. byebye. no mood to celebrate end-of-prelims liao. not when there's lousy grades to expect on nextnext monday. haiz.

lin~*
4:42 pm

Monday, September 20, 2004

chinese.... hahahaha

erps... i'm super amused at myself... totally am not supposed to be online now, but i just HAD to check sthg out on a Chinese-Eng dictionary online...

ironic/funny story of the day:
mr yeo passed me a prize tt i apparently got from some school chinese essay writing competition the other day (tt laoshi entered my essay for last year)... initially i was super amused, cos i thought that i actually managed to get some consolation award for the 'xiao shuo' (aka story/novel) category with my lousy chinese...
then as i was shifting some piles of paper on my horrendously messy table in my room just now, i saw the envelope again and took another look at it... it said 'you sheng jiang' which is totally not consolation award... and i spent like what... 10 mins online trying to decipher what exactly 'you sheng' meant before concluding tt i actually won the stupid competition...

well done... i won a essay writing competition, but dun even know how to read the word on the envelope... what a sad case... sheesh.. haha

lin~*
3:15 pm

Friday, September 17, 2004

prelims prelims prelims...

yay... vowed to stay offline for the past wk and did!

at least all the worst papers are kinda over... phys chem bio paper 3s, bio paper2, math paper1... sheesh its been a crazy week... totally stressed out during each paper.. cos paper 3 qns are so freakin long... and there's no time to do them.. haiz.. not too worried with bio... math shld be ok if i wasn't too careless, phys and chem was not too good.. ah well...
physics paper was infuriating... esp since like how half of the 1st qn was totally screwed up... (not me screwed up... the qn set...) and they only corrected it at like 45mins... totally wasted so much time... haiz

can't wait till its all over... 2more wks... i'm one of the err lucky 50+ppl who get to end last... on 1st Oct... haha.. bio s sheesh..
went to ecp again today, to cycle.. tt was really destressing :)

really tired.. just so tired...
and i see 4As flying away....not tt i shld have expected tt much considering how i dont feel prepared at all... ah well..

lin~*
7:31 pm

Saturday, September 11, 2004

the trocks!!!

taking a short break in between chem and bio... haha no one's online... bet they're all mugging, and i'm the only slacker around... haiz. won't be going online at all next wk... need to study!

gosh... haha nv imagined that guys can display so much feminine grace in ballet.... haha.. these dudes are just amazing... of course they're hilarious too.. but the jokes just lend a temporary respite between holding my breath as they do like 30-sthg turns (lost count halfway...), triple pirouettes on pointe... jumps and whatnot... they're simply amazing, and many of them are better than some of the prima ballerinas i've seen... the female ones tt is... haha... and as though doing the normal stuff in ballet isn't hard enough, they incorporate modifications to complement their acts (swan lake... dying swan.. the classical ballet...) that come through really really well... crazily amazing.. haiz... it was really fun to watch, more entertaining than the standard ballets tt companies usually put on... yepz
haha on a side note, some of those guys are really hairy... can see their chest hair peeking out of the leotards frm like circle 3 where i was heh.. oops... !

after tt, daddy, mummy n i went to try the max brenner's choc bar downstairs... its really good, albeit slightly ex, tho i've tasted much better choc souffles elsewhere.. haha ah wellz... yummy but ultra fattening...

was looking at some design mags over lunch just now, decided i want a brownish earthy tone for my room! haha yay... this is fun... haha..

lin~*
2:14 pm

Thursday, September 09, 2004

east coast park!

hmm haha dunno y yesterday had problems with blogger, cld only publish the stuff i wrote yesterday just now... oh wellz..

yesterday i did go running to ecp as i said i would.. and it was SO NICE!! haha i almost forgot why i liked running, esp since i dint run in such a long time... did the long route, ran along the expressway, circled ecp and then to bedok jetty then came home... took me almost an hour...

bedok jetty was beautiful as usual... stood there, feeling the strong breeze, smelling the salty ocean smell... there were groups of teenagers playing around, young couples strolling hand in hand, parents with little kids, old people fishing, this little boy struggling with a kite in the strong wind... haha it was just so rejuvenating... felt so alive...

stood there for so long that i forgot it was getting dark, den i hadta go through the freaky underpass by myself... erps.. haha quite scary there... oh wellz... plus mum's been scaring me about stories on how its 7th month, how i shldn't go weird ulu places by myself... sheesh haha heck larh...
nice run :) haha i shld do it more often...

lin~*
6:22 pm

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

staying at home... ~*

haha I haven't seen a shadow of anyone else apart from my parents, granny, uncle n maid for the past... 5days... sheesh. staying at hme, getting lots of sleep (for once haha), eating, and studying is really relaxing... and fattening too.. bleargh. i think i shall go run to east coast later..

yesterday i cooped myself up in my room (like how i always envisioned myself doing, but nv got down to cos i was so sick of studying in my room) and just blasted kevin kern n all sorts of instrumentals and studied...haha qt good although i fell asleep frm like 3-5pm, haha but made up for it at night... drank coffee (which daddy brewed for me yay) n ended up only sleeping properly at 5am this morning.. bleargh.

btw, thanks for recommending kevin kern to me (u know who u are..) i think it really helps in exam periods like now like everytime i'm angsty or just sian, it nv fails to soothe me down haha.. yay! its also helped lots in the many morning rushes to sch... like i'll be almost late almost late.. den my mum'll be so tense, then we'll play it, and she'll relax alot, and somehow... will still reach sch on the dot , with everyone nice, relaxed and happy! and i'll run in b4 i get white slip haha.. yay.. haha thankyou :)

lin~*
1:40 pm

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

now i know why i dint wanna watch movies...

awhile back, i refused to watch movies... esp after the ct2s, when i was totally sick of them after spiderman2... its quite a sad thing cos they don't reflect real life much at all, most of them don't anyway (how often do all those heroic superman-type shows, or romantic-will-do-anything-for-you romances etc happen anyway, most ppl are too self-conceited, and too concerned for their own self-interests for tt).... and then you watch them, go through the emotional ups and downs of all the characters and the stories, be happy, sad, then angry etcetc all in 2 short hours... then you walk out.. and
poof!
life is still the same...

maybe you'll now walk with a spring in your step, maybe you'll be infused with ideas of how great the world really is... but really, nothing much has changed. the world is still revolving as it was before you stepped into the cinema...
how many of us can conclude that the 2+hours spent watching movies isn't a waste of time? Really?

haha despite all these, i will still watch movies, cos maybe the idealistic ideas that come across will somewhat change my thoughts and ideals, maybe it will really make me believe that the world is good and great afterall... maybe the idealist in me will prevail... and the idealists in all of us remind us that despite all the rubbish we go through in life, the world is still basically a great place, people who make us feel like rubbish are still basically great people..

i guess i will still watch them, just not right now. i've got 2yrs worth of bio, maths, chem n phys to infuse into my brain first...

lin~*
1:40 pm

Monday, September 06, 2004

italy...

ohmygosh... was watching part of a movie over lunch today on HBO (Only you... yes i'm a freak for romantic shows.. haha) and they showed scenes of Venice... and the amazing Italian countryside.
Hard to believe that just last december, i was there! driving around, getting lost in the tuscan countryside filled with hues of fiery orange and green.. the colours there are unimaginably vibrant, walking along the streets of romantic venice, skiing down the pristine white slopes of the Alps... gosh... i love italy...

haha kor can testify to how i told him i loved venice... i really do.. walking along the streets, exploring the nooks and crannys (really nooks and crannys), sitting in boats moving along the waterways.... seeing the beautiful architecture tt's all gothic and intricate all at one go... gosh it just makes you feel so in love... haha even tho there isnt anyone i love romantically, the place just made me feel tt way. i'm in love with venice haha... its a place i dont have to visit any attractions (pls, i hate visiting places like museums and whatnot tt make no sense to me...) but just immersing yourself into the place, does u a whole load of wonders...

no where in US has made me feel like tt, even tho i've been to a million and one places there... everything there is just so new, and commercialised.. tho it makes me feel happy and vibrant...
france's southern seaside region gave me a somewhat diluted version of what i felt in italy.. mm.. other places in europe, austria has a different historic feel, germany, spent not enuff time there to get any feel... haha but nothing can beat the feel italy, esp venice gave me... haha... i swear to earn lotsa money and take myself there again! haha...

haha well before i can start earning money to take myself to italy again, i hafta study hard!!! argh. sad truth hits me.. i shld stop daydreaming... or rather reminiscing... haha

lin~*
1:32 pm

Sunday, September 05, 2004

lazy sunday.. ~*

haiyah... haha i've been SO slack all day today... spent the whole day so far trying to start studying... sheesh what's wrong with me? i will do work nownownownowNOW!

heh my parents wanna renovate the house... redo all the fixtures and stuff.. since they dint renovate when we moved in like 10plus yrs ago.. and i get to redesign my own room!!! haha yay! happy :) and i might even get the computer in my room after the renovation!! yay!! they keep driving around to get nice ideas for the exteriors and other stuff too... funfunfun!... but i think any construction will only happen after As...and we hafta move out during the renovation... haha ok better study!!

lin~*
3:53 pm

Saturday, September 04, 2004

songs and emotions...

songs that people feel inclined to usually tug at sthg in their minds, either tucked deep into the recesses of memory and time that they've forgotten why it means sthg to them... or just sthg that stares them in the face, plain and simple.
this one's tugging at my heartstrings... (which are actually the chordae tendinae in reality...but nvm...) and i really wonder why haha..
emotions, remembrance and feelings are such a complex web of connections that its hard to believe that they're brought on by simply chemical signals and nerve tranmissions in our brains and neurons. and such hormones/electrical impulses are brought on by a memory triggered by an external stimulus?... what is a memory in biological terms anyway? and an innocent release of endorphins can induce such levels of pleasure and peace, by mere instant cell-cell signalling?? amazing.. or maybe humans do have a soul after all...

lin~*
11:51 pm

So this is love...

What is this i'm feelin', I just can't explain
When you're near, I'm not just the same.
I try to hide it, Try not to show it.
It's crazy... It could'nt be
~
CHORUS
I've fallen for you
Finally, my heart gave in
And i've fallen in love
I fin'lly know
How it feels
~
When you said hello, I look in your eyes.
Suddenly, I felt good inside.
Is this really happ'nin?
Or am I just dreaming?
I guess, it's true. I can't believe...
~
CHORUS
~
Doesn't matter where I am,
Thoughts of you still linger in my mind
No matter what time of day
I've really, really
Fallen for you...
~
CHORUS
Jamie Riveria, I've Fallen For You

lin~*
9:50 pm

neighbours.. hmmph and tuition

haha.. my neighbour who shares a wall with me (semi d hse) is happily drilling into the wall tt my study table's against in my room... noisy, plus loads of vibrations, plus feel like he's drilling into my face.. sheesh haha... migrated downstairs to study, but there's the distraction of THIS computer.. bleargh

anw, happy tt the neighbour on the otherside of my fence is moving out.. happy cos he wanted to set up a freaking pet store next door, already built cages for 20dogs, and at one pt in time there were 5 dogs and its noisy enough.. i love dogs, just not 20 of them at one go...

ending all my tuitions at one shot, all i want to do now is lock myself in my room and study... all my chem tuition classmates ending together next wk, and dion's super surprised... msged me to ask y just now.. haha.. bet he thinks we're joining another teacher together or sthg.. mass migration whee! haha.. but nah.. he seemed in a humongously bad mood yesterday tho.. bleargh.. and we ended class like what... 1hr early?? sheesh...

lin~*
1:50 pm

Friday, September 03, 2004

friday friday friday... ~*

bio pract today.. wasn't too bad... for some weird reason i was actually really happy whilst drawing the trachea pseudostratified epithelia and all that, esp during the transverse x-section of that plant.. sheesh haha... dunno why.. but am qt proud of my drawing heh.. *shrugs..

had a nice time during lunch today with classmates at ghim moh: huiling, em, sau, daryl, zhimin, nick n shengxiang... haha they're really hilarious ppl, esp daryl with her err.. 6 middle aged jap guys in fig leaf underwear music video?? haha have yet to see it, and they were arguing over lunch whether it was porn or not.. err ok... yeah.. haha i love my classmates... *sighs... oh n i must comment on how much em's mum likes to feed ppl.. her hse is stock full of food larh sheesh.. haha wah im so full!!!

ok this is qt weird, a blog is act supposed to be somewhere we write stuff we want to sayi think.. heh and i have to actually crack my brain to censor all the stuff i want to say first? lots more on my mind which i'd rather much not write here.. but its true that i'm qt a private person who prefers to keep most of my thoughts to myself? haha.. no wonder i still love my diary :)

lin~*
9:13 pm

Thursday, September 02, 2004

saddened.. :(

so saddening... all the contestants on S'pore idol tonight dint come through at all, to me that is... unlike last wk's.. woah.. those were good.. haha a certain someone even msged me sayin she wanted to marry david yeo?!? haha...
haiyah.. disappointed.. shall go mug now.. argh..

lin~*
9:07 pm

little piddle predictable me...

haha i'm so predictable... yun, sarah, di and si were always able to predict my moods, my likes, dislikes... even what i wanted to eat! haha... then when i told my friends abt this blog, almost everyone immediately guessed my blog address correctly! haha... sheesh.. is predictability a good or bad thing? hmm i dunno, guess its just something about a person that you tend to know, especially when u know him/her well? haha...

anyway, today was gp and phys design.. wrote a very conservative essay - comment on whether all young people in singapore can look forward to an exciting and inspiring future. haha mine seems to be so bleak now, i'm sure its exciting/inspiring... conservative, cos i always seem to fail whenever i decide to be radical and write sthg different haha.. just hope i pass this time larh.. and phys design.. sheesh i forgot sparks can combust in air cos air has oxygen! haha but then again only wenkien seemed to remember... hmmz..

hmm.. during exam periods like now, like prelims n As, its so dangerous to get infatuated/distracted over some guy or another.. and she really seems to be qt... haiyah... worried..

lin~*
7:39 pm

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

universities and parents.. hmmph

universities and parents definitely don't fit, for some interesting reason...
sarah spent her morning helping me like finally decide on the 4 med uk unis i wanna apply for (thank you so much dearie.. love u!!).. when i told my parents just now during dinner, they got offended tt i dint ask them to help me, n got sarah instead... Now i find THAT interesting, since everytime i broach the subject with them, my mum goes into a semi-hysterical state, lamenting on how her little girl is going overseas and leaving her all alone here... etcetcetc. (basically they just want me to go to nus, but im really applyin to uk as a safety net in case i dont wad.. apart frm cambridge which i do want.. )
yes... well... every discussion of universities, however carefully approached, always end up bad.. with my parents. I wonder what they want with me... sheesh..
at least i've gotten every bit of my applications settled now.. yay!

lin~*
8:37 pm

new blog? ~*

hello.. haha guess i finally got around to setting up my own blog.. woah.. haha..
well can't say it was a hassle at all.. considering i took all of 5mins to do the entire thing, including finding a pretty template i liked.. btw, tt ballet dancer in the pic has a really beautiful arabesque and pointe though i think her line'll be better if she were gazing upwards towards her fingertips, as mrs skipp always said...haha she's so renaissance... and i miss ballet so much..
yepz.. just decided i probably wanted a place to write stuff down sometimes.. stuff that perhaps i want ppl to know that sometimes i don't really want to say.. or maybe just a place for my bestest friends whom i dont talk much to anymore to still catch up with me.. *shrugs. dunno.. haha.
alright.. tmr's gp paper.. gp prelims to be exact. im shocked and aghast that i even did such a thing on the day before my paper.. but guess im changing.. haha.. and no one still believes me when i say im slacker.. well.. what can i say right? ah wellz..

lin~*
4:37 pm