lavanderblues

Thursday, March 31, 2005

ewww

all this eating has resulted in undesired weight gain! haha.. yuckyuck every girl's worst nightmare! somehow im in tandem about it... cos when i eat, then im like k yes im prob too skinny must eat more plus anyhow the food is good so eat. hahaha. then eat alr? gain weight. then i'll be like yuckyuckyuck dun want to gain then lose it off again. then i'll go eat, and lose and eat, and lose... hahaha. thankgoodness its all in a margin of about 2kg. haha so it isnt that bad larh...

dance dance dance.. alumni dance is turning out... HMM i duno how to describe haha.. its alot of mishmash right now, and ideas are unclear. ppl know what they want to be like but havent choreoed the steps. meiqi and i choreoed the steps but dunno what we want to be like. so confusing. i hope it all comes together. and pointe? haha i cant dance properly! cant go on pointe after about half the swan lake part... my shoes are either too soft, or my feet have weakened considerably. i think its the former. howhowhow? should i get new shoes for dance night which is in 1mth, or shld i just pia and kill my legs? i prob wun use them again, and pointe shoes are horribly ex, like about $60-70 after you factor in all the ribbons, the crochet pads etc. if dun have crochet pads then have to get felt, which brings total cost up to almost $100. worth it? i dunno man dunno dunno dunno. howhowhow?

and im really really happy for lawrence... with his US uni reply... cornell! wow! :) pro-ness!

lin~*
1:21 am

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

yawn

went for pract at 9 today, mendelian genetics pract on chi squared test and totally felt so tired, and weak. goodness. went home straight after that, ponned the afternoon lecture on lipids by this lecturer i dun really like, and slept from 3 till like 630. feeling much more refreshed now.

i think the yoghurt fruit drink, i think its marigold right... that comes in like strawberry, mixed berries, fruit and veg... really really really nice! i like all their flavours! alot! and its quite low in calories summore! diet friendly :) haha its ultra sweet though, wonder how much sugar they put inside it hehe...
and my new favourite foods - digestive biscuits dipped in milk! haha i think its really really nice.. dunno y. mum says it sounds like what sick people eat but heck. i like i eat haha.. and the pepperridge farm brand's white choc macademia nut cookies are really really good too! esp when u microwave it for a few secs then it comes out all warm and melty. oohses! and im in love with cheesecakes. haha but that one cannot eat too much. fattening!

ugh. mosquitoes are rampant these days. yuckyuckyuck. im going to be drained of my blood soon. hai.
off to study now! mendelian genetics test tmr. sighs.

lin~*
7:19 pm

Saturday, March 26, 2005

why?

why do i sound so down, melachonic, desperate and sad on my blog? hmmms... but its true nothing much has been great lately... haha lotsa work to rush for nus next wk too. workworkwork!

lin~*
11:19 pm

oh yeah...

and just to add, come may i'll probably be working in abn-amro, which is a bank, in shenton way. with one of their project teams i think *shrugs* haha apparently they work really long hours. sounds like me eh? haha no more life in may! thank goodness its 4wks only.

oh yeah and my parents said i can design my room anyhow i like. and hi, today a fengshui person came to see the hse and totally contradicted my design. apparently where i want my study table is where even if i study nothing will go into my head. and wow the reason y i've been doing well in school is cos of good feng shui in my hse. now i dun get what i want for my room anw, cos some stupid old man git says so. wth. its not my room anymore. he can move in instead.

lin~*
9:46 pm

failed.

driving test today, failed. knocked the pole down during reaction response, sthg i've never ever done in my entire driving career. instructor's surprised. im surprised. dunno larh. but my tester wasnt that nice either. it was raining cats and dogs, and whilst all the other testers shared their umbrellas with their testees, this tester asked me to go run in the rain to the car by myself whilst he took his own sweet time to go there. and he gave me pts for some stuff i felt i didnt deserve or wasnt fair. but anw i caused my own demise by accidentally knocking down that pole. so i can't blame him for failing me also. momentary lapse of concentration? rain too heavy hard to judge? whatever. what's done's done. i can't think of having my license till may now. my next retest on may 20th. argh.
feel so stupid.

if any of the dancers read this, im sorry i dint turn up for dance today. no mood really after the test.

lin~*
9:34 pm

Thursday, March 24, 2005

wrong dream?

feels as though im chasing the wrong dream. am i am i? or maybe just not good enough.
just got rejected by edinburgh today... hais. and no news from imperial. im probably on some "see how" list. if imp rejects too, and cos i dun really want to go queenmary, uk's really out for me liao.
argh i just hate to bang my hopes too much on nus. it just seems so hard to get in.
hai and i've been trying so hard. so bloody damn hard.

thank goodness for my babies today, or i'd have brooded too much on this through the afternoon and gotten myself into a pithole. esp dannyboy, this down's syndrome kid who's so lovable and sweet. when he smiles, its so pure, undulterated, innocent, real, i feel as though the whole world can be put right again, a wave of happiness rushes through me. some of the other volunteers feel the same too. but some of them are just terrified of him cos he goes around hugging and kissing people when he sees they're sad or sthg. i was really happy today there - huiwen, zene, adam, azila and all the other kids were so fun today- but he hugged me twice and kissed me 3 times. maybe he can sense the despondency inside. maybe.

lin~*
8:43 pm

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

hai

almost 3 weeks since i had my interview in freezing cold london already and not a word from them yet! im quite resigned to getting the rejection letter already, but i'm still checking my ucas track faithfully everyday, hoping for an end to this silence. HMMMZ... the other day i was just thinking about it... if only i had chosen a normal course like engineering, economics, business, biochem/bioengin, that entrance to depends just on your results and normal stuff like cca record. then i'd be much less stressed. i think. and scholarships, would probably be within arm's reach too... with 2dists. i hope. and i'd be like happily thinking about going to somewhere like us where i've always wanted to go.. always imagined myself studying...

in pri sch and sec sch, i used to imagine all the time, me being in US, living a nice happy study cum fun life... studying in my dorm/huge libraries/american cafes, going out and around with friends, not worrying at all about financing, i dunno the whole concept seemed so cool and like dreamlike to me.. i always wanted it. wanted to go to harvard or some pro ivy league school... envied ppl like denise (sel's sis) who seemed so "wow, she's in stanford, cmu.. "... wanted to be one of these pro ppl that i used to look up to.
so i studied damn hard. parents and i immersed myself in the belief that as long as i study hard, be active, and do all the right, perfect things, be a perfect student (or as near perfect as i can get), then i'll get whatever i want. i'll get the scholarship, the pro us uni place.
but now its like really a dream, cos its never going to happen.
cos i chose to want to do med, a course that's like totally stupid to do in US (cos its post grad and would take 10yrs approx to get the MD), that has no scholarship for it (apart for stupid ones like mindef that i dun want, or president's which hi i will never ever in this or next life get), and depends only marginally on good grades and good outside achievements.

that currently seems quite unattainable.
what the hell...

lin~*
10:40 pm

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

driving test on sat!

argh! my driving test's this saturday! and after going for lawrence's yesterday (whereupon he passed on 1st try! so zai..) now i feel more kan cheong. hais. had another mock test during my last lesson yesterday, and i got 4pts only. haha. if only that was the actual test. but im bound to screw up lots lots more during actual practical test. now i just have to be super duper careful on saturday! wish me luck. the next test if i fail this will prob only be in like may which is super long time away. i want to pass now! boohoohoo.

oh yes. and does anyone know what this whitish, slightly slimy, tasteless, abit chewy, comes in small globule like thingeys, usually cooked in like tonics (like my mum cooks it slightly sweetish with ginseng and serves cold) is? i had no idea till someone told me its frog sperm! YUCKYUCKYUCK! im sorry i was disgusted. and misguided into liking something without actually knowing what it was! argh. yuck. how do they obtain it anw? goodness. anw better not spoil my appetite now. im eating breakfast at the computer - orange juice and strawberry yoghurt, which is very nice... i might get strawberries to go with my yoghurt... haha. nothing at all like FROG SPERM. ugh.

everyone's all bogged up with uni apps and scholarships and all... im lucky in that i just have uni apps... and not even alot cos i applied to 4 in uk, 2 in aust, and nus. yeah. sucks big time, and sucks even more not knowing what will happen to you in a few mths time. whatever happened to the stability of school, the shelteredness of the education system, where as long as you study hard, you'll do whatever you want to do. now even a perfect score doesnt seem to bring me anywhere. argh. frustrating...

off to do practs now, then going to munchies in central (at nus) for lunch with frens. byebye..

lin~*
8:28 am

Friday, March 18, 2005

testtesttest...

my first test in nus will begin in about 4.5hrs time exactly. woohoo! haha and guess what? i havent studied for it! *shhhhh* hahahaha. but seriously dun really care alr larh... the dean promised me that it wldnt affect my med applications anw wad. so i shall not stress myself out. am running away from the pangs of *i must study hard for every test* that used to haunt me in jc. yes i will.

spent yesterday reading this book i got recently "the time traveller's wife". havent finished it but its an really interesting love story, and i cried at the end cos there's a sad sad twist.

oh yes and i wrote about my driving lesson on monday in the previous post right, mm on tue, i had another lesson, and the instructor cldnt really find any fault! what a turnaround. he told me summore that if i drove like that on my test (next sat), i shld pass! haha woohoo! im happy. but i have 2 more lessons, so shall practise diligently, and hope to pass on first try. i got a peak hr time lor so dumb. sat 11.50, just as all the ppl are leaving office. its bus lane hr even, so if i get a certian route on my routes, i have extra work to do cos have to remember the stupid bus lane! argh. nvm, my next lesson is 1245-2sthg this sat, which will give me a good idea of traffic conditions at that time. tester, please be nice.
and lawrence's having his driving test this monday... haha all the best! i hope he passes first try then i get another chauffeur! =P haha joking larh.

shoe shopping. i broke 2 sandals lately, and bought one slippers. still am looking for a nice heeled shoe to wear. hai. im like hard to shoe shop for cos 1. my feet are big and wide, 2. i'm too tall, so i cant wear too high heels or i'll be even more too tall (bad english. hai), and 3. i am picky on what i spend my money on. hahahhaha... found one that's nice. i think i shall buy it. dunno larh.
see how. and wow.. i wanted to post a picture of the shoe i was going to buy but pro website doesnt allow you to copy its pictures! haha thumbs up for copyrighting, thumbs down for plagarising huilin.ooh and there's this other pink shoe i absolutely fell in love with. that's wedge heeled, but ex like 30bucks. so i shant buy it.

and station had this wonderful sale. i got like 3tops from there, all quite cheaply and all really nice! my mum got like a super elegant black dress for like 35bucks. goodness. they should run a warehouse sale instead. and i'm officially S! at station that perhaps caters for fat british women since its after all a british brand? haha. amazing aint it. all the dresses that fit on the torso are now short for me tho haha...

know what? i really should go off to study. dun want to flunk and disappoint the nice science dean (who saw me for a feedback session tt day) who's going to monitor our results, to see how successful his nice new little programme is right? haha. oh yes and cant disappoint nice prof too who told me all about his research on dna modelling too and was amazed to know tt i wasn't really a year 1 - basically everyone is shocked to hear im a year one cos no one is stupid enough to choose to study during a holiday argh... yepyep... study... then rush to pract... then dinner! yayses.

lin~*
9:00 am

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

driving...

took a mock driving test yesterday, and failed spectacularly! hahaha
dunno if it was the raging headache cos my phone kept ringing, or the fact that i prob just suck... i accumulated 38pts and 2 immediate failures in one test alone. woohoo!
when i get my license? hahahaha drivers of Singapore... WATCH OUT!

haha lost pts mostly cos i mispositioned my car for parallel parking, ended up like re-turning the wheel like 3-4 times. then the car still insufficiently in the lot, then i had to try again... and stupid mistkes like stoping at wrong positions, nv check all the spots and all that rubbish. hai. and my parking is usu seamless cos its easy if you just remember how they teach you about the poles and all. i really need to go slower when i park.

ohwells. and studied till 3 again last night. like wth... this isnt supposed to happen like now in the holidays! that was like rj council days when i nv had time to study cos i was too busy with open house/cc/other stuff. hais. visions of As appear again... *shudders* saw past yr CA/SA papers from the module which i haf a test on friday... and the qns, k tho quite simple cos they test on concepts, they expect you to remember the structure of like all 20 amino acids! wth! so much to memorise! saddening. haha. and the science dean wants to see me. i wonder y. hai

lin~*
9:46 am

Thursday, March 10, 2005

cravings...

ate a slight bit of veggies and a small piece of fish and like 1 tablespoon of rice for dinner today.
and for some odd reason i have a tremendous craving for either papaya (nownowNOW! this instant!), or toast bread with philly cream cheese (for tmr's breakfast). argh.
i have like cedele carrot cake and sweet secrets cake in the fridge (cos mummy bday yest) and ikea erm choc almond tart, and tons other nice chocolatey stuff, and ice cream and all that rubbish, and i dun feel like eating all these? hahaha im mad.

lin~*
10:15 pm

walking on pavement.

walking on pavement barefoot can be quite painful. my slippers broke today, so i walked all over bishan and ubi barefoot. and i noticed that there can be a few types of pavement.

the smooth type... smooth to bare feet, but exceedingly hot.
rough, slightly crumbly from wear and tear... rough, quite nice to walk on :)
ultra rough, totally dishevelled, broken up. OUCH.
sandy, muddy, soily haha... EEKS.

oh yes and u know how after dancing barefoot in a studio with dirty floor gives you black feet right? haha walking on bare pavement gives you grey feet! hahaha interestingness.
my feet are dead though. pavement walking, pointe, stupid slippers that give me blisters when i run in them. plus the fact that they already arent very nice feet.
GAH.
ohwells.

so far i've had to walk like that 2ce already. 2wks ago, when my green sandals' strap broke. and today, when my black slippers strap broke. i'm amazed at how my shoes have been wearing out so fast. but when you think about it, it used to be that my sports shoes wear out - cos of wearing them to sch everyday. then now, i wear sandals/slippers/heels out all the time, to school, driving and whatnot. taking into account that they aren't already made to like last super duper long, of course they'd wear out faster.
so sad.

lin~*
9:57 pm

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

was totally swamped with people congratulating me the past few days. seems like i can't pick up a phone without some auntie or parents' colleagues without hearing them talk for so long about my results. thanks. yeah haha im happy but slightly sian with all the (unwanted and unnecessary) attention now. :)

anyhow, my london photos as promised! (some of them anw)

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the place in imperial college where all the people graduate from. you only actually get to go there proper when you graduate. it was super duper cold there btw. haha brrrr...

the super cute bright red london telephone boxes! haha!

harry potter's platform 9 3/4! hahahaha... there's even the trolley half stuck into the wall! so cute! this was at king's cross station :) my mum can't take photos straight btw hahahahha...

the famous bridge of sighs in cambridge, one of the colleges... its so named cos students sigh there as they walk out of the adjacent exam hall hahahha... apparently this photo spot is famous too, cos lky took a photo there with his wife and its published in one of his memoirs.

herman (my ogl, when i was in j1) brought mum and me to formal hall at trinity college (apparently really really hard to get so im supposed to be really lucky) with 18 other s'porean/msian frens of his... this was the bread roll he koped from the dinner table cos the bread they served was really nice! hahaha...

haha what a surprise... u can't sleep the whole night waiting for results, then when you're delirious and excited about them, you open the curtains and see super duper heavy snowfall! hahha so nice! i rushed out immediately even though i was just wearing a sweater and no jacket... haha brrr... icing sugar over the whole town overnight! whee!

the famous tower of london :)

and protests about various issues along the streets of london, just outside house of parliment, where big ben is...

and how can any trip to london be without watching the changing of the guards parade at buckingham palace right? haha... too bad it was winter, and cold still, so the soldiers were all wearing ugly grey jackets, unlike the usual famous nice red uniforms. hai hahahaha... everyone's cramped outside the gates and you have to like squirm ur way through to take photos. after awhile i just gave up but this was one of the nicer ones.

yeps haha that's all i'm willing to post on my blog for now, i took like 180 photos i think hahahaha super alot. will be uploading them onto ofoto soon, then can see if you want to. :)
can't believe im saying this. but i gotta go study. hai. so dumb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lin~*
10:48 pm

back home!

yay im back from london, and it was a totally fun and memorable trip! yay! the interview went okay... was abit intimidated by the local students who were there too... they seemed really polished and all, but like when they started comparing grades and everything, i realised they're nothing compared to rj ppl. then u appreciate rj for what it is hahahaha. so anw, it went okay but i dunno if they'll want me. might swing either way so i dunno. yeah. wait and see lors.

and since i was back, well i've been totally happy and surprised about alevel results... many ppl seemed to have done pretty well so im really happy for them, and i hope everyone's happy too! :) mr yeo msged me mine, and well that time was about 5am in uk... i was lying in bed in cambridge, mum in the next bed, and we were both pretending to sleep but waiting for the phone to vibrate for mryeo to msg me. hahaha... and mr yeo being the sweet mr yeo he is, msged me when he knew, which was about 1sthg s'pore time. cldnt sleep at all that night, kept having horrible dreams of getting lousy grades. then after that i was too happy cldnt sleep liao hahaha...called lawrence briefly for like 10secs cos was so happy, enuff time for me to scream my results into the phone and hear his response then put down hahahaha... and my parents are glad too. so im glad. yeah :)

well the lousy thing about being back is the work that has suddenly accumulated from the nus thingey. hai. ppl are popping this wk, and i wnat to go out and meet them! instead im totally swamped with studies... like now?!?!?!?, and dance practices, cos i happened to have overcommitted. hai. ohwells.

i will upload london photos here soon! haha like really soon. they're on my comp alr. now ijust got to get down to putting it on the net. yay! :)
off to sleep. got to wake at 7 tmr for pract hais.
nus is starting to feel sian hahahhaa... fickle me. :P at least there's salsa to look forward to after that yay!

lin~*
1:43 am