lavanderblues

Saturday, November 04, 2006

i know im supposed to be studying...

but since i cant really stuff everything into my miniscule brain, and im probably going to fail anyway, here goes...

i just had some stuff to get off my chest. just spent the past 20mins flipping through the RJC alumni group in facebook, looking at where everyone is, adding new friends to my facebook list. somehow, i got really sad and despondent. attached to most friends' names were prestigious universities i had always longed to go to; imperial, harvard, cambridge, stanford etc. and for many of them, it has become a reality... they're living the overseas college life that i had dreamt of since i was tiny, that motivated me to study through the gruelling sec and jc days. and well, i'm stuck in our little sunny island of singapore, the place we all call home. its not that bad i guess, considering i'm pursuing my dream, medicine. its just that, i was sooo close to getting there. i had the grades, i even had the resume to boot. i probably cld have gotten a scholarship had i applied, and i even got a place. at imperial. to do medicine. just that no company or organisation in their right mind offers an overseas medical scholarship. and well, it just didnt seem worth it to make my parents spend an extra $400k just for me to live my dream overseas, when i can get a possibly equally good degree here for so much cheaper.

nus is not a bad university. i suppose its a good, even a great university. and i am having a lot of fun here, with all the great people i've gotten to know in medicine. its just that seeing myself attached to it unravels a whole string of broken dreams. but ultimately, when i graduate, i shld be where i want to be. thats the only thing keeping me going.

i think a lot of friends in med would feel similarly about this.

my friends overseas tell me its not that great a deal to be there... and my parents promised that esp since i saved a bundle by not going to imperial, i could travel around the region with my friends during the holidays. but somehow when i want to make plans, its always my parents who're in the way. im either not allowed because they're being cautious and protective, or they want to go too. which totally spoils the fun dont u think?

i feel like crying now.

lin~*
10:18 pm