lavanderblues

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

hai

almost 3 weeks since i had my interview in freezing cold london already and not a word from them yet! im quite resigned to getting the rejection letter already, but i'm still checking my ucas track faithfully everyday, hoping for an end to this silence. HMMMZ... the other day i was just thinking about it... if only i had chosen a normal course like engineering, economics, business, biochem/bioengin, that entrance to depends just on your results and normal stuff like cca record. then i'd be much less stressed. i think. and scholarships, would probably be within arm's reach too... with 2dists. i hope. and i'd be like happily thinking about going to somewhere like us where i've always wanted to go.. always imagined myself studying...

in pri sch and sec sch, i used to imagine all the time, me being in US, living a nice happy study cum fun life... studying in my dorm/huge libraries/american cafes, going out and around with friends, not worrying at all about financing, i dunno the whole concept seemed so cool and like dreamlike to me.. i always wanted it. wanted to go to harvard or some pro ivy league school... envied ppl like denise (sel's sis) who seemed so "wow, she's in stanford, cmu.. "... wanted to be one of these pro ppl that i used to look up to.
so i studied damn hard. parents and i immersed myself in the belief that as long as i study hard, be active, and do all the right, perfect things, be a perfect student (or as near perfect as i can get), then i'll get whatever i want. i'll get the scholarship, the pro us uni place.
but now its like really a dream, cos its never going to happen.
cos i chose to want to do med, a course that's like totally stupid to do in US (cos its post grad and would take 10yrs approx to get the MD), that has no scholarship for it (apart for stupid ones like mindef that i dun want, or president's which hi i will never ever in this or next life get), and depends only marginally on good grades and good outside achievements.

that currently seems quite unattainable.
what the hell...

lin~*
10:40 pm